its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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