I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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