Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
