I hate your face
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
