do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
