Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
