Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
