I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My vagina just recognized that song.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
