Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
