Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
