Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
