Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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