hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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