I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
