Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
