Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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