whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
