im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
