that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
