Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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