very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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