Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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