he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
