No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize