Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
