Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
