I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
