So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
