don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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