Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
