she was so not down for the gang bang
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
