Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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