I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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