i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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