A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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