Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
