she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
