Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
