I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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