I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
