um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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