Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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