oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
