im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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