I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
