I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
