All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
