my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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