tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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