The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
