Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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