I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
