I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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