Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
