Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
