i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
