meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize