So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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