weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
