oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
