Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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