your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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