I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
