I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
