Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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