I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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