This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
