Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
