I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
