i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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