so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
