Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
