So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
