So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
