I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
