Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
