The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
being pregnant is like rehab
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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