she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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