Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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