you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
