I just saw a hot homeless man
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
