I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
