Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
