whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
