I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
