She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
