why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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