you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
