Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize