That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
