I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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