Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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