I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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