Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How does one acquire holy water?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize